The young man thought it important to note that, despite his unfortunate appearance caused by a recent violent altercation, the fellow he fought with, an old friend until events that had recently transpired caused the relationship to turn sour, had been damaged far worse. Indeed, a crooked nose and swollen eye were nought compared to a cracked knuckle and broken thumb in his eyes. Though some may beg to differ had they been informed of the nature behind the young man’s assailant’s hand injuries, a powerful punch backfiring somewhat due to the attacker’s inexperience. Regardless, they both looked quite foolish.
I feel obliged to put forward the assertion that the faults of our relationship were not your own, which is to say I object to the idea that you are to blame for our altercations; for I feel that I need to carry the burden of guilt. Indeed, life leads us down many paths and ours are simply diverging, again, not through fault of your own, but due to changes in my outlook of the world and growth as a person. That isn’t to say I’ve raised my standards. I simply mean to put forward that it’s me, not you.
Ten seconds on the clock and I’m wondering whether – nine - this is actually happening; not long on the squad – eight – and I’m already confronted with something as cliche as – seven – a bomb with an actual countdown. I’m half expecting – six – some sort of masked villain to enter the room – five – to announce his plan, but I don’t think he’d – four – have time for that. And now there are only three seconds left on the clock and I realize I’ve wasted – two – my final thoughts. I don’t even have any kick – one – ass final words. I hope someone remembers to feed the—
Good morning, o’ apple of my eye, love of my life, lime of my. . . light? That’s not one, is it? I was on a roll then too. I hope you enjoy bacon because I’ve grilled way too much for just one sarnie – and you know I don’t eat much in the mornings. No, don’t worry about getting up – I’ll bring it to you, breakfast in bed! As if you have a choice, but it’s your own fault for trying to escape the other day. Maybe if you’re good today I’ll untie you. But only if you are good!
A hatch slid open and from the ceiling a spinning, red light lowered. A dull alarm blared leaving no room in the building silent:
“CODE FOUR CODE FOUR”
The squadron rushed to mission control, one member typed frantically at a computer,
“We’ve got at least a level ten flame here.”
“A level ten? That guy definitely needs to be banned from the Internet.”
Another voice from across the room; “Someone else has posted! We could have a flame war on our hands!”
“Uh oh, we have some slight misogyny – looks like this is a job for the Social Justice League!”